On squandering- March 20

since i've squandered away the better part of the day perusing the internet somewhat aimlessly, i think posting a note here might make me feel that my time has not been spent completely in vain. i began the day with the best intentions of working on some stuff for university, but things went downhill quickly. i discovered the forums at wordreference.com and before i knew it found myself posting responses to questions on english grammar and french and spanish translation. it's fun, but, really, is that worth sitting in front of my computer in the middle of the day for? anyway, the fascinating thing about the site is that it's so fast. there might be 4000 people online at once just in the spanish section. post a question and ten minutes later five responses appear simultaneously. i was also sidelined by my current project of self-inflicted spanish immersion. i'd like to be able to speak decent spanish before i leave europe, so i'm reading el pais, listening to podcasts, watching spanish cartoons on youtube, posting in a spanish forum. this is binge internet consumption. actually, i'll justify it this way: i have plenty of friends who work in offices and i know for a fact that they spend loads of time dicking around on the net when they could be working. it's natural. since i have never had an office job, i've missed out on all that time wasting. it's about time i caught up. i'm going to start clocking in when i sit down to my computer to do nothing in particular. yeah, it's a labor of love.
yesterday i had a meeting for my internship, taught in the afternoon, met with my professor to discuss my project, and went rock climbing with hans, my charming german roommate. classes were good, but one thing is really frustrating me. there's one group of kids that strictly refuse to behave when i'm alone with them. if the teacher shows up late, or leaves for a while, they just all of a sudden look as though they're in the playground. throwing erasers at each other, knocking stuff off of desks, making fart noises, cracking each other up. but here's the kicker: one kid asked me "is the teacher coming?" I say yeah, she'll be here in a minute. And i asked them if they prefer when she's there. they're all yeah, yeah. so i asked why and one of them said, "because then we behave better." so the fucked up thing is they want to be calm, but apparently when i'm there alone they're just incapable. maybe i dont project enough authority to make them shut up. another theory is that it really is a lot easier to get angry in your own language. if i try to bitch these kids out in french i need to have zero hesitation and zero flaws in what i say. the second i mess up a gender or say something non-idiomatically, they'll stop thinking it's serious. the other thing is continuity. the teacher is with them all day and can assure that if one kid is particularly annoying he'll stay in at recess or whatever. at the end of english, i disappear as far as the kids are concerned, and so do any threats i've made to discipline them. another conclusion is that i spend way too much time even considering this question and hope i never have to teach ten year olds again. i'm sure if i try teaching high school in the states it'll be a real cakewalk. hah.
i dont read a lot of blogs so i'm not really sure about the protocol. i feel as though i just keep talking about myself, but in any case, there it is. it's gotten cold again in bordeaux. thoughts of going surfing have been relegated to a dark recess of the mind.

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